Photo credit: free stock photo jooinn.com
~Disclaimer: This is not the second part of my “Surviving Hurricane María” post. That one will come in due time.~
On to my rant about changes I made to my life. Decisions that affected my partner, our families and our whole lives.
Have you ever gone through something major in your life and wondered, “what is the right thing to do?” Whether it’s a personal issue, a financial problem, a relationship thing, or just anything for that matter. You just have that thing, stuck in the back of your mind, that you have to do something to contribute to that goal. Maybe you thought you had the right answer. People always did tell you to look for solutions and think for yourself. Well, finally you made a decision “for the greater good”, you thought. But in the end it turned out horrible, it turned out to be something you were going to regret for the rest of your life. Yep, I understand completely, so if the feeling is mutual, please continue reading.
Truth be told, no one is ever going to understand because why, obviously no one is a mind reader. In this case, only you (or, I… ) can somewhat understand why in the world I did what I did. Left everything behind, started from scratch, because I was looking for something I thought was better… but guess what? It was just conventional. I didn’t think outside the box, I just went with the “safe” option. And to be honest, goals and dreams need so much more than that. Dreams are not conventional, they almost seem impossible, because they’re the reflection of your soul, of your most precious desire. In a dream/goal you get to set standards, you get to design how, what and when. I would blame society for shamelessly brainwashing us into having conventional thoughts, BUT, I have no one to blame but myself. Expectations too high? I think yes.
It’s not the end of the world, I’m aware. It only feels like it at times, because I look back, and I see the answer. It was in my face the whole damn time. To late now for regrets. Now to try and make peace with the outcome, the “waiting just a bit more” to reach that goal. That is the most horrible situation ever, WAITING. Seeing your S.O. suffering your consequences, because you thought you were doing the right thing. Trying to maintain the façade, that everything’s okay, that you’re “peachy” and NOT broken, because you always have to be strong.
But, enough with the negative, let’s try to look at it another way. You live and you learn, right? Just because we have to wait a little doesn’t mean we won’t make it. Tbh, I sometimes get horrible nausea (rn) just thinking about the hate, the remorse and all that crap. Because it is crap, we just try and tell ourselves it’s important because that’s how the world sees it.
In the end, money means nothing just like everything else. It’s all crap. Thinking about it now, when you’re 80 years old, and trying to remember how happy you were, do you have anything to remember at all? Will you remember all that time you wasted being sad because of a bad decision?? Or will you remember how YOU turned your consequences into new paths? Will you remember, taking a breather, enjoying the little things? It really is a matter of how you look at it. It pains me, that I can’t really open up my thoughts without having to explain something to try to be accepted. People who really love you don’t throw your bad decisions around in your face. They stick around to see you make your come back, they stick around because it’s worth it. They don’t make you feel guilty because they know you already feel like shit.
I’m going to try and end this post with a few “motivating” words. Now, forgive me, I’m no professional counselor, I’m just a normal human, girl/woman, whatever, trying to survive life and who’s just now starting to embark on a spiritual freedom path/idk. No situation is forever. EVERYTHING is temporary. So even if you do feel crappy now, you’re making your way through, you’re trying to make it better and you will. Don’t take it so hard, (words for myself). We do have to vent (and that’s totally normal and healthy). Don’t take it personal. You’re NOT gonna die because someone doesn’t like you, or because they’re putting all the blame on you. Words hurt, actions burn, feelings get shattered, and people fall apart, but only you have the power to put yourself back together. Only you, darling reader. More importantly, never forget about the ones who care about you.
Feel free to send me an email with your story so we can share it with others. We are not alone. You are not alone, friend.
Until next time.
Stay strong! Xx